The photograph shows a sedated, intubated patient with COVID-19 lying on his stomach, his arms and back crisscrossed by tubes and wires like an insect trapped in a spider’s web. To the right of the unnamed man is a small screen that shows the faces of his wife, daughters and other family members when they call him each day in the hospital. Usually, the one-way chats are kept light. But on this day, his wife can’t hide her sadness: “Please wake up. It has been too long.”
The heartbreaking photograph was taken by Calgary emergency physician Heather Patterson for her book, Shadows and Light: A Physician’s Lens on COVID, published by Goose Lane. It includes more than 120 photographs that reveal the horror, the drama and, at times, the beauty, that unfolded at five Calgary hospitals during the early days of the pandemic.
Yes, there is beauty in the stories Patterson tells, the beauty of people displaying the best aspects of their humanity. We see nurses holding the hands of dying patients. We see the doctors, nurses, housekeepers, cooks and porters who risked their lives daily to care for the ill.
Photo by Heather Patterson
from "Shadows and Light" (courtesy Goose Lane Editions)
The book’s final pages show photos of those who recovered, back home with their families. These are rollercoaster stories of deep sadness and incredible joy. It’s impossible to read this book and not weep.
“It wasn’t the machines and tubes that saved my life,” says Sabbohi, a female patient. “It was the people.” That includes her devoted husband, Mohsin, who spent countless hours at the hospital. “Mohsin rarely slept during Sabbohi’s days in the ICU when her survival was uncertain,” the book recounts. “He would hold her hand, talk to her and play recordings from the Qur’an.” When Sabbohi finally left hospital, her husband stopped at her mother’s house on the way home to pick up freshly cooked kebabs, her favourite food, waiting for her on their front steps.
Photo by Heather Patterson
from "Shadows and Light" (courtesy Goose Lane Editions)
Of course, the medical equipment also did its part. Photo after photo shows patients surrounded by machinery and large medical teams. These gritty, harsh scenes seemingly come from science fiction. Often you can’t even see the patients, who disappear amid these tight rings of otherworldly masked and gowned doctors and nurses. The resources required to keep one person alive boggle the mind.
Patterson’s initial goal was to create a visual reminder about the “purpose and privilege” of practising medicine. At the time, she was experiencing burnout and says she could no longer see the beauty of her work or enjoy the interactions with patients and colleagues.
All that changed one day as Patterson noticed a nurse holding a patient’s hand, telling her that “we would take care of her.” It was a eureka moment.
Photo by Heather Patterson
from "Shadows and Light" (courtesy Goose Lane Editions)
“From that point onwards, I found moments of connection, kindness and joy even in the most difficult and tragic circumstances. These moments would leap out at me and I felt compelled to photograph them as they unfolded, to remind me, and others who maybe felt the same way, about the light that we could still find if we were intentional about looking for it.
“I find that now, in my clinical practice, these incredible moments are so much more apparent to me. With our current healthcare crisis and epidemic of burnout in healthcare workers, finding that light, remembering WHY we chose this profession, and being intentional with my observation, is even more important. It compels me to keep going on the difficult days in the ER.”
Photo by Heather Patterson
from "Shadows and Light" (courtesy Goose Lane Editions)
For more than 20 years, photography has offered Patterson “a calm space to slow down, find perspective and observe the details of life.” Early on, she photographed outdoors scenes, then her two children and, finally, “real life, not just the angelic parts.”
Real life included anti-vaccination protests. One such photo is in the book. But there’s also a photo of Calgary residents outside a hospital, showing their appreciation to medical workers with flowers and snacks.
For her pandemic project, Patterson used a Canon R6, and made all images with available light. Sometimes that creates an industrial-like harshness.
“Carrying additional light sources was not an option both due to the occupational health and safety protocols, as well as the disruptive nature of lighting in the medical setting,” Patterson said in an interview.
Despite all her precautions, Patterson contracted COVID-19 last fall. For full disclosure, I should say that, coincidentally, I read Shadows and Light a few days after being diagnosed with a largely asymptomatic case. As I read the tales of unvaccinated patients begging for the vaccine right before intubation and possible death, I silently thanked the nurses who had vaccinated me. Those shots allowed me to shed the virus while sitting comfortably at home. Without those shots, it could have been my family phoning me in the hospital to plead: “Please wake up. It has been too long.” ■
Shadows and Light: A Physician’s Lens on COVID by Heather Patterson: Goose Lane, 2022.
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